Blog | Tristonmorgan

When a Spouse has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

What happens to Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt after the last scene in “As Good as It Gets”? Jack Nicholson’s unforgettable line in that movie where he suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder is “You make me want to be a better man.” It will be interesting to see how the characters played by Nicholson and Hunt live the “happily ever after”, knowing that one spouse has OCD. What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Also called OCD, this is an uncontrollable urge to perform rituals (opening and shutting the door three times in a row, avoiding cracks in the sidewalk, washing in very hot water and only using a new bar of soap). These rituals are performed with the hope of warding obsessive thoughts. For one who has OCD, not performing the rituals gives a feeling of impending doom and anxiety. According to Provo therapists, the rituals are his or her way of coping with the anxiety that may creep up. OCD can sometimes rule a person’s life. The need to perform the rit...

When a Couple Remains a Double

You anxiously wait for the results. With crossed fingers, you finally dare to take a peek… and heave a sigh of disappointment. It’s negative – just like the other times. When a couple tries to get pregnant, the hopeful expectations develop into alarm when the “acceptable waiting period” has long since passed and the date with the stork is not forthcoming. They start dreading family and friends who keep asking, “So, when are you having a baby?” The couple decides to seek medical intervention. When the diagnosis points towards infertility, the two spouses may decide to go for infertility treatment. When this happens, it is best to also go for Provo marriage counseling to help deal with the challenges of the situation. Infertility, Treatments, and its Effect on a Marriage A baby is a blessing to a loving family. However, not all couples are blessed thusly. Some couples have to face infertility. On top ...

Breaking the Cycle of Passive Aggressive Behavior in Your Marriage

A song by Weird Al Yankovic has this tongue-in-cheek take on Passive-Aggressive behavior: I knew that we were having problems when You put those piranhas in my bathtub again You're still the light of my life Oh darling, I'm begging, won't you put down that knife You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way You poison my coffee just a little each day I still remember the way that you laughed When you pushed me down the elevator shaft Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra Doing in my underwear drawer Sometimes I get to thinking you don't love me anymore Exaggerated as this song may be, sometimes couples are guilty of some degree passive-aggressive behavior. On the surface, things are “okay” when they are actually not. And to express that there is something wrong, we behave in a way that tries to send the message indirectly, act in such a way as to punish our spouse or show our disapproval. Being passive-aggressive is one way of communicatin...

Parenting Wars: When Parenting Styles Collide

Do you often hear this in your home? Parent 1: “Why did you allow Matt to go out with his friends when his homework is not yet finished?” Parent 2: “He’ll finish it when he comes back. Why are you always so strict? Give the kid a break!” Parent 1: “What were you thinking? Why did you give our child such as expensive gift?” Parent 2: “Well, I want our child to enjoy the finer things in life.” Parent 1: “Sharon broke a friend’s mobile phone. She’s grounded.” Parent 2: “I think we should let Sharon earn the money to replace her friend’s phone.” Different Strokes for Different Folks More often than not, parents have different parenting styles and this difference creates conflict, not just between the two spouses, but in their children as well. We must remember that parenting styles are an extension of your personality and upbringing. And because we are each our own person with our distinct personalities, we also handle situations with our kids differently. ...

Overcoming Social Anxiety Disorder

Are you or someone you know be considered terminally shy? Would you rather play the wallflower than the life of the party? Do you get more than butterflies in the stomach when you are about to give a speech in public? Being a little jittery about your public appearance or performance is normal, but when it comes to a point when you worry about it for days and the thought of making your speech makes you sick, it may not be just plain shyness. It may be social anxiety disorder or social phobia. What is social phobia? Social anxiety disorder is an intense fear of social interaction or social situations. It can be a specific social situation or social situations in general. It can come when one is standing before a crowd, mingling with other people at a party or other social situations. There is this desire to interact with other people, but fear surmounts this desire. The fear may be rooted in anxiety about being humiliated, embarrassed or judged and found wanti...

Love your Body: How to Help Your Teen Deal with Bad Body Image

“I’m so fat. I hate myself.” “I want to be taller. What can I do to improve my height.” “I look too puny. How will I develop my muscles?” “I hate my freckles.” “I need a tan.” Teenagers face a lot of pressure with regards to their appearance. Coupled with the desire to fit in with one’s peer group, to look “hot”, there is added pressure coming from the media, which has perpetuated a certain body image. Pop stars and models sport form-fitting clothes. Sports figures and Hollywood hunks with six-pack abs and big muscles. Your teen looks at these images and then looks at himself in the mirror and does not like what he sees. There is a tendency to be more self-critical, to see something as less than everyone else sees. Studies indicates that around 90% of female teens are dissatisfied with their bodies and that their physical appearance ranks high among their major concerns in life. And issues on body image start early – girls as young as 9 years old said that they didn’t like ho...

Grief and Your Marriage

Marriage is a vow to be there for your spouse “for better or for worse”. The “worse” part could include the loss of a parent, a child or a friend orlost opportunities (going through menopause or being fired from one’s job). The grief can also be about aging, children leaving the home to establish their own homes, or the bad news of a parent’s terminal illness. It can be a grief that both spouses experience or it can be something that only one spouse is going through. The grief can result in the grieving person feeling distressed, angry and bitter, guilty, isolated, fearful and lonely. When a spouse is in a season of grieving, the other spouse needs to know how to deal with the process. The loss can cause a negative impact in your marriage or it can show how a couple express their love for each other at one of the worst points in their lives. It can bring the spouses closer to each other. Being there for your spouse can mean letting him or her “do stuff”, doing things with him or her...

After a Marital Storm: What You Do After a Fight

Let’s start off by acknowledging that fights between spouses are normal. When two people live and relate to each other in the closeness of marriage, they are bound to get into a disagreement. What is important is how they fight and what the couple does after the fight. The heat of an argument can result in raised voices, unfair accusations and hurtful words. During that time, you may get mad at your spouse. However, after the argument is over, what do you do? Do you kiss and make up? Do you apologize if ever you resorted into unfair fighting practices? When two spouses are able to reconcile and talk about the matter more calmly after the storm has passed, it is a good sign of the strength of a marriage. It shows that despite the anger you felt during the argument, it doesn’t take away the love. When a couple is able to talk it out after a fight, that very fight can become a learning experience for the couple. First, it teaches the couple to communicate in order to resolve conflic...

Parenting Children with Attachment or Reactive Attachment Disorder

Every kid is a “rad” kid. By rad, we mean special and precious. From the first time that a parent sees his or her child, a special attachment is formed, a bond of love. This bond is important as it also defines how a child builds bonds and relationships with the rest of the world. However, there are some instances when a child is unable to form these bonds – the child may have RAD or reactive attachment disorder. Attachment disorder: An Overview An attachment disorder is marked by an inability to form meaningful and lasting relationships or even express affection towards others. It may be rooted in events during a person’s early childhood. This may include: - Being a child of an unwanted pregnancy - Experiencing chronic pain resulting from medical problems - Neglect from a caregiver (when a parent is chronically depressed, the child is moved from one caregiver to another, when a child’s cries and needs are ignored) - Being a victim of child abuse As a resu...

When a Partner Strays: Dealing with Extramarital Affairs

Can a marriage survive infidelity? Can broken trust be regained? Or is infidelity the death knell of a marriage? It is like asking about the effects of a bomb blowing up in the middle of a city. The effects are horrendous and far-reaching. You can’t expect a quick recovery. It will take time and a lot of work to pick up the pieces and try to put them back together again. And really, the rebuilding process may mean that things will not be as they were before. Infidelity statistics According to statistics from the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, marital infidelity strikes nearly 40% of marriages – where two-thirds of husbands and one half of wives have been unfaithful in one way of another. The aftermath of an affair is even more bleak – 65% of marriages where a spouse has strayed end in separation and divorce. However, if you and your spouse are willing to stay together after an affair, there is hope. You can weather the storm and become ev...

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