Blog | Tristonmorgan

Therapy Across Borders

I recently took a trip to Central Europe. Wow! What a beautiful place to be. My wife and I went to Budapest, Hungary and several other countries. Talk about a therapeutic journey! I still can’t get over the beautiful buildings, rivers and parks. We had a great time trying different foods, trying to speak the languages and participating in the local attractions and events. While I was there we met with a local therapist, Ildiko. It was interesting to talk with her about her therapy practice and what the people are like in this country. She mentioned that she does a lot of therapy by walking with clients through the forest by her office and that the power of nature helps heal her clients. As a therapist in Provo, Utah, I have found that there is something powerful about nature here as well. Being in the mountains, hiking through the forests or desert or being around the rivers or lakes can bring immense peace and healing in life. There seemed to be so many similarities between what her c...

Infidelity: What Do I Do Now?

Affairs in a marriage are all too common. Studies have found that up to 25% of men and 15% of women report having sex outside their marriage (Lauman, Gagnon, Michael, & Michaels, 1994). Infidelity in marriage is the most frequent reason that couples give for divorcing each other and marriages where an affair has taken place are twice as likely to end in divorce (Amato & Rogers, 1997; Atkins, Baucom, & Jacobson, 2001). If you are reading this you might be in a marriage plagued with the disease of infidelity. If you come to couples therapy you will be among the 1/3 of couples who do so because of an affair (Whisman, Dixon, & Jonson, 1997). Many professionals conceptualize and treat injured partners (the partner who has been cheated on) as trauma victims. An affair is a traumatic event and the way the injured partner reacts can be similar to someone who has gone through a war or terrifying event. They have many behaviors consistent with post-traumatic stress disorder...

Pornography’s Addiction Cycle

Clients often ask me how they can overcome addictive behavior to pornography. They want to know how they developed a drive to this behavior in the first place. Did something happen to them when they were younger? Were they born this way? Will it ever go away? These can be difficult questions to answer, but are worth exploring. In my counseling center I often help clients understand what is called the ‘addiction cycle’. It might feel, to some clients, that they go on auto-pilot when seeking out or viewing pornography, masturbating or other performing other compulsive sexual acts. They can feel as if they are drawn into it without a choice. The addictive cycle starts with a preoccupation. There is an intense mental focus and an obsessive search for pornography or other sexual stimulation. It is almost as if the addict is in a trance in this step. The second step is called ritualization. The addict goes through a special routine leading to sexual behavior. This ste...

The Pornography Trap

Pornography use is rampant and rising at an alarming rate. We all know the devastating effects that pornography addiction has on individuals, their family members, spouses and children. It can ruin lives, homes, jobs and futures. Everyone knows someone who has struggled with this issue, and many people have struggled with it themselves. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th edition) was released a few years ago. Over the years it has adopted many changes. Interestingly enough, however, in this current edition there is no mention of pornography use as a diagnosable disorder. There is a section on sexual dysfunctions and a very large section on substance use, but nothing that addresses the devastating and serious addictive nature of pornography use. I used to work as a therapist in a drug and alcohol rehabilitation center in southern California. As I worked with clients I would often hear them talk about relapse. One of the most common stories th...

Types of Happy Couples

When couples call me for marriage counseling they often site the reason as ‘communication problems’. I’ve heard this hundreds of times as a family therapist. This phrase has come to be a catch phrase for many different issues – known or unknown to couples. As I do therapy with these couples in my Provo counseling center, I often find that these couples actually communicate very well, but have not built the positive connections that successful couples have. There is more to marriage therapy, then, than just helping couples ‘communicate well’. Simply learning how to do reflective listening, or practicing ‘I statements’ is not sound couples counseling. John Gottman, a renowned marriage researcher, has devoted his professional life to understanding what makes some marriages work, while others fail. I will be outlining much of his incredible work in the coming months along with anecdotal evidence that it works. Dr. Gottman’s proposes that there are three types of happy, stable couples: v...

Making Marriage Work

Struggling in your marriage? Not sure how to fix your communication problems? Tired of being stuck and not knowing how to get unstuck in your marriage? These are all common concerns for couples experiencing difficulties. There is help and a way to get unstuck! As a couples counselor in Utah County, over the years I have help couples find this success many times as they apply certain principles. Marriage researcher, John Gottman, has found certain principles and developed a model of therapy to help couples find this happiness together. His work is based on researching hundreds of couples. Here are a few things he found that you can try with your spouse: ‘Enhancing your love maps’ – Love maps consist of how you understand each other and what you know about your relationship and your spouse. Knowing the intimate details of what your partner likes to do for fun to what stresses them out helps you have a stronger relationship. ‘Nurture your fondness and admiration’...

What to Think About Before Calling It Quits

Should we stay or should we go? Is the marriage worth saving? Is keeping the marriage intact “for the children” enough reason? The “D” word is not a word that you can simply bandy about during times when you have a lover’s quarrel or when the going gets rough. Getting divorced, after all, will have consequences not just for the couple but also for their children. Divorce is not a simple dissolution of a financial and physical union, but also the cutting off of emotional and psychological bonds. During this time, you can also think about getting the help of couples counseling in Provo to help you think through the issues in a thorough and more organized manner. Here are some things you and your spouse should consider before you sign the divorce agreement: Is the feeling gone? Or are there still emotional bonds between you and your spouse? Make sure that both you and your spouse have done all you could to salvage t...

Trauma and How Counseling Can Help

A car accident. A bullying episode in school. Sexual assault. Getting trapped in your bedroom while your house is burning down. Being caught in the crossfire of an actual shoot-out. Surviving a plane crash. Being a victim of physical abuse. A killing happening right before your very eyes. Fighting in a war. Getting divorced. The death of a loved one. These are some very stressful experiences which can leave an indelible mark in your mind and emotions. Often, it can engulf you with fear and anxiety, so much so that you lose your ability to cope physically and emotionally. If these issues and anxieties are left unresolved, the emotional injuries may fester and lead to psychological problems. Trauma and How It is Caused Trauma, according to the Cambridge Dictionary, is defined as “severe emotional shock and pain caused by an extremely upsetting experience”. People cope with trauma differently. One can move on from a particularly traumatic experience while anot...

Bye-bye’s Blues: Separation Anxiety Disorder and What Parents Can Do

The song by Average White Band says it all, “There’s no easy way to say goodbye”. And for the child, this may literally be true. Saying your bye-byes to a child who is hanging on to your leg is heart wrenching to a parent. You may also need to bear with temper tantrums, bouts of seemingly inconsolable crying and clinginess when it comes time for you to say, “Bye for now, love, mom and dad are off to work!” Separation Anxiety Disorder Being anxious about seeing mom or dad leave is actually normal for a young child. It is simply part of his development. As a baby slowly learns what “bye-bye” means, he will insist that mom or dad stay by his side. There is a strong sense of connection and attachment between the child and his caregivers – particularly his parents. It is when the child starts to disproportionately worry about being separated from a loved one or caregiver that separation anxiety becomes a problem. When it turns into separation anxiety disorder, the...

Handling Your Spouse’ Substance Abuse Problem

In the movie, When A Man Loves a Woman, Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia play a picture-perfect couple whose family is threatened by the wife’s addiction to alcohol. The story chronicles Ryan’s alcoholism, and how it has caused harm to their marriage and family, as well as her struggle towards recovery and the succeeding adjustments that prompted them to seek marriage counseling. The movie depicts a happy, “perfect” mom (when sober) who then transforms into one that “loses” her child in the shopping mall, drives her kids around drunk, leaves her husband with the responsibility to take care of her and the children and engages in risk-taking and anti-social behavior. Andy Garcia plays the role of the caretaking and enabling husband, who is at a loss after his wife’s recovery. Addiction’s Effect on a Marriage Drugs. Alcohol. Prescription medicine. Although to the abuser, his or her choice of poison seems to be the only world, the people who love him or her are a...

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